Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

Diskutime tek 'Humor, Video e foto per te qeshur' filluar nga Elian, 26 Dec 2002.

  1. Hilari Klinton

    Hilari Klinton Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Terrible world history
    The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot of incorrect information.

    The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

    Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. Soloman, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

    Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

    In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, the threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

    Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would turture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

    Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was canonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

    In medevil time most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and versus and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

    The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interes in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

    The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

    The greatest write of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is only famous because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tried to convince Macbeth to kill the Kind by attack his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

    During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal for them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

    One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

    Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse devided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

    George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

    Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest president. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

    Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Graity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off trees.

    Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

    France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. The the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.

    The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplary of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

    The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. :eek:
  2. Hilari Klinton

    Hilari Klinton Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Could Use a Little Money
    Dear Father,

    $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply Άan't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

    Your $on.

    After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

    Dear Son,

    I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

  3. gurax

    gurax Pan ignoramus

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    She was wearing a very tight skirt, and when she tried to board the Fifth
    Avenue bus she found she couldn't lift her leg. She reached back and
    unzipped her zipper. It didn't seem to do any good, so she reached back
    and unzipped it again. Suddenly the man behind her lifted her up and put
    her on the top step.
    "How dare you?" she demanded.
    "Well, lady," he said, "by the time you unzipped my fly for the
    second time I thought we'd become good friends."

  4. Darien

    Darien Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

  5. rrok deda

    rrok deda Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Ne shtepine e femijes Shkoder shko 1 perfaqesues i Caritas dhe pyet:-chi e il direttore qua ? drejtori ben nje hap para dhe pergjigjet:-Essere io direttore casa figli di puttana.
  6. fairy

    fairy Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Un contadino piuttosto ignorante va dal medico che gli prescrive delle supposte dicendogli di metterne una nell'ano tutte le sere. Tornato a casa, riferisce alla moglie, ma ne’ l’uno ne’ l’altra comprendono come si somministrano le supposte.
    Pertanto la moglie intima al marito di ritornare dal dottore per farsi spiegare.
    Il contadino dapprima si oppone, adducendo a motivo il fatto che il dottore si arrabbiera` di certo ma, pressato dalla consorte, alla fine accetta e torna dal dottore.
    Per tre volte di seguito il dottore parla di ano, poi di retto e infine di sfintere.
    Alla fine il medico, capendo finalmente di trovarsi di fronte ad una persona poco acculturata, si decide finalmente ad usare un linguaggio un po' piu’ semplice: gli dice di mettersene una tutte le sere NEL CULO! Il contadino torna dalla moglie e fa: "Te l'avevo detto che s'incazzava !".
  7. gentilushi

    gentilushi Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    fol ne shqip
    je europiane ti mer????
    Kujdes Cicero!!
  8. Enion

    Enion Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Po them disa barsaleta ne italisht:

    1.Sai perchè dopo la doccia i giocatori della nazionale escono subito? Perchè da quando DelPiero beve Uliveto parla con tutti gli uccelli.

    2.Su un tavolo c'è una torta e attorno Babbo Natale, la Befana, un carabiniere intelligente, un carabiniere stupido. Un attimo di buio e la torta scompare: chi l'ha mangiata? Dunque.... Babbo Natale, la Befana, il carabiniere intelligente, non esistono...

    3.Tra genovesi: "Mi presti 5 euro?". "Mi spiace ma qui non le ho!". "e a casa?". "a casa tutti bene, grazie!"

    4.Arriva un sms ad un carabiniere:
    'Tu non mi conosci ma io conosco tè. Mi dispiace per il brutto scherzo che ti ho fatto. Madre Natura.'
  9. Darien

    Darien Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Kjo nuk është barcaletë po më pëlqeu.

    The Sand Pool
    Copyright 2004 W. Bruce Cameron

    When I was in second grade, my family lived down the street from a man who decided he couldn't afford to maintain his in-ground swimming pool, and solved his dilemma by filling it in with sand.

    This wound up attracting every loose cat in a four-block area, all of whom regarded the sand pool as the world's largest litter box.

    By the time I was introduced to this strange place, the reasons behind its creation had been forgotten -- all we kids knew was that here was the only sand box in the neighborhood with a diving board. We spent hours bouncing off the end of the board into the cat poo.

    One day, while standing in line for a turn at the board, I began chatting with a girl named Joni. She was a blue-eyed brunette who claimed to be able to do a flip off the diving board, though she always wound up just launching herself in a brief, awkward sprawl like the rest of us. She was worldly and exotic, a mysterious female who intimidated me with her sophistication. She was in fourth grade.

    At this point in my development, testosterone was just beginning to trickle into my brain, harbinger of the flood to come. I vaguely understood that I needed to make something special out of my jump, so, with Joni watching in what I was sure must be stunned appreciation, I propelled myself off the lip of the diving board and flew through the air in a twisting jumble that caused me to lose all sense of who and where I was -- not until my first college fraternity party would I duplicate the sensation. I landed in the litter box with the grace of a shotgunned duck, the air driven from my frail lungs.

    "Are you okay?" Joni asked in concern, bending over me like an ER nurse. I manfully waved my hand.

    When I was able to speak, Joni and I sat in the grass and discussed important matters. She told me when she grew up she wanted to work in a flower shop, that her dad had flown on an airplane twice, and that for her birthday her mom was going to let her paint her room any color she wanted. I told her I could throw a rock clear over my house from the front yard, which was 75% true, and that my next door neighbor, Brad Smith, always had a runny nose.

    The next day, on my way to the sand pool, I plucked a tulip from my mother's garden. The impulse was instinctual and inexplicable, and when I handed it to Joni I was filled with conflicting emotions, the strongest of these being fear. She put the flower to her nose and then regarded me with eyes full of witchcraft.

    When Brad Smith found out what I had done he was forced to hit me. I let him punch my chest a few times, hoping it would beat sense back into me. Alas, not only did this medicinal pummeling fail to cure me, it even gave birth to a lie: I told Joni that Brad and I had been fighting over her.

    Joni responded by holding my hand in front of the rest of the kids, who stood in sullen silence, kicking at the clots of cat dung and refusing to meet my eyes. I was so nauseated I had to sit down. I went home with the intent of discussing my disorientation with my father, but he was too busy removing all the rocks from the roof to talk to me. I went to my room and crayoned "I hate Joni" on a piece of paper, but I knew it was a lie. My hand was still curled with the memory of holding Joni's, and hot venom from the contact coursed through my body and caused my heart to pound heavily.

    But the next day, Joni was talking to Brad Smith, her arm crooked through his and a candy-bar wrapper at their feet. Just like that, Joni and I were through.

    And, to this day, I'm not sure I understand what it is I learned, there at the sand pool.

    Write to the author at
  10. Rambla

    Rambla Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    kete ma treguan sot, eshte pak /pf/images/graemlins/blush.gif por thashe ecmo po e shkruaj, problemi madh :angel:

    un bambino e una bambina giocavano sempre insieme. quando finivano di giocare il bambino si toglieva i pantaloni e diceva:
    "io ho il piselino, tu non ce l'hai" /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif . e po se ne andava, l'altro giorno tornava, giocavano di nuovo insieme e alla fine, prima di andarsene il bambino si toglieva i pantaloni e le mutande e diceva alla bambina:
    "io ho il piselino, tu non ce l'hai"
    sempre la stessa cosa, e la bambina triste un giorno chiede alla madre.
    il giorno seguente prima di andare via il bambino come sempre si toglie i pantaloni, le mutande e dice
    "io ho il piselino, tu non ce l'hai".
    e allora la bambina risponde"
    "senti la mia mamma dice che con la cosa che ho io, quando sarò grande avrò tutti i piselini che voglio"

    /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /pf/images/graemlins/blush.gif

    p.s. e shifni ça nene ka bota /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
  11. gurax

    gurax Pan ignoramus

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Homer goes shopping for fireworks at the Li'l Valu-Mart, with a clerk that looks almost like Apu.

    "Hi... ummm... let me have some of those porno magazines... large box of condoms... a couple of those panty shields ... and some illegal fireworks and one of those disposable enemas. Ehhh... make it two."

    "My apologies, sir, but the sale of fireworks is prohibited in this state and is punishable by a f... [the last customer leaves] Follow me."

    The clerk shows Homer into his stockpile of fireworks.

    "Any red-blooded, flag-fearing American would love the M-320. Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it."

    Later on, Marge goes through Homer's purchase.
    "I don't know what you have planned tonight, but count me out."

    "I'm in awe, Lennier. The way you can take a straightforward, logical proposition and turn it inside-out so that in the end it says .. what you want it to say instead of what it actually means. Does this come naturally or did you .. attend some special martial arts class for the philosophically inclined?"--Marcus, Babylon 5
  12. fairy

    fairy Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Due amiche si rincontrano ad un anno dal matrimonio di una delle due..
    "Giusy, sei sempre in perfetta forma..Stai davvero benissimo"
    "Grazie Carlotta, io, invece, ti vedo un pò ingrassata dal tuo matrimonio.."
    "E si, sai, dopo il mio matrimonio mi sono lasciata un pò andare.." "E come mai?"
    "Bhè, sai, prima del matrimonio, la sera uscivo con gli amici, poi tornavo a casa, aprivo il frigorifero , non trovavo niente di buono ed andavo a letto...invece adesso la sera esco con gli amici, poi torno a casa, vado a letto, non trovo niente di buono ed apro il frigorifero!!!"
  13. Erjon rapper

    Erjon rapper Forumium praecox

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif :lol: :lol: :lol: e forte kjo moce :lol:
  14. fairy

    fairy Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Una signorina Inglese di buona famiglia sposa un rude minatore del Galles.
    La prima notte di nozze lei si fa trovare a letto indossando una casta camicia da notte di pizzo.
    Lui, in canottiera e mutandoni ascellari, prima di infilarsi sotto le coperte si svita il piede destro, di legno, ricordo di un incidente in miniera.
    La timida sposa, che non era a conoscenza del lieve difetto fisico, rimane molto impressionata e, la mattina successiva, telegrafa alla madre: "Mamma, purtroppo scoperto mio marito, solo un piede!"
    La mattina seguente giunge il telegramma di risposta della madre: "Congratulazioni! Tuo padre solo 6 pollici !!"
  15. Tironsi_NY

    Tironsi_NY Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    ishte i her nje Grande Capo Indiano dhe ishte kaps. Kshuqe con Vento Veloce meqe ishte i shpejte te Vechio Medico per te marr nodnje ilac se ishte keq. Kshuqe shkon indiani te Vechio Medico.
    - Problema ??? i thot Vechio Medico.
    - Si. Grande Capo, niente caca. - i thot Vento Veloce.
    - Una piccola pilola per Grande Capo - i thot Vechio Medico dhe i jep nje tuf me kokra.
    Duke u kthyer per ne fshat Vento Veloce fillon mendon me vete "Piccola pilola per Grane Capo???". Jo thot me vete duhet te jete "Grande pilola per Grande Capo" dhe ia jep te gjitha kokrrat ti pij Grande Capo.
    Kur takohen pas ca javesh Vento veloce me Vechio Medico, ky i fundit e pyet:
    - Come sta Grande Capo?
    - Niente Capo, Grande caca - i thot Vento Veloce.
  16. Enion

    Enion Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Nuk eshte ndonje gje se cfare po hajd po e them:

    Ne nje shkolle nje mesues kur hynte ne klase thosthe gjitmone nxenesve te vet:
    'Buongiorno raggazotti culorotti.'
    Perdite ky muhabet dhe nxenesit iken me u anku ne drejtori dhe i thone drejtorit kshu kshu mesuesi.
    Athere drejtori i thote msusit qe mos ta beje me ate gje. Diten tjeter hyn msusi ne klase dhe thote:
    'Buongiorno raggazotti'. Dhe nxenesit te kenaqur qe se tha me donin me u tall me presorin dhe i thane:
    'E la rima??' presori pergjigjet: 'Come prima'.
  17. stneots_2004

    stneots_2004 Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Temel duz mantik ogrenmek icin amerikaya gitti. Orda bir profesor ile anlasip derslerine basladi. Aslinda ders bir gun surdu. Duz mantik kolay bir sey de ondan olmasa gerek.
    -Temelcim, baligin var mi?
    -Var hocam,
    -Akvaryumun da var o zaman, mantik olarak,
    -Var hocam,
    -O zaman senin bir de masan var, odan var, evin var, ailen var yani dolayisiyla senin normal bir hayatin var ve de ayni zamanda SEN IYI BIR AILE COCUGUSUN.
    -Evet hocam,
    -Temel duz mantigin nasil isledigini gordun degil mi?
    -Evet hocam,
    Temel Trabzona doner ve orda Dursunla karsilasir.
    -Amerika seyhati nasil gecti Temel?
    -Iyi, cok memnunum,
    -Yeni bir sey ogrendin mi?
    -Duz mantigin nasil isledigini ogrendim Dursuncugum,
    -Duz mantik nedir Temelcigim?- diye sorar Dursun.
    -Cok kolay bir sey Dursuncugum,
    -Ogret bakalim da gorelim neymis bu duz mantik,
    -O zaman sana ogreteyim. Cevap ver bakalim. Dursun baligin var mi?
    -O zaman sen OROSPU COCUGUSUN. Bu kadar basit
  18. assassino26

    assassino26 Primus registratum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    sa e nolte kjo e funit :lol:
    Na e perkthe nananjani me se duhet te jete e bukur kjo perderisa eshte lodh kaq shume ky robi me siper per ta shkruar /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
  19. tushi

    tushi Valoris scriptorum

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    O peshku po munohem mgjth turqishten ka kohe qe nuk e perdori kshtu qe m'fal nks baj noj gabim te vogel /pf/images/graemlins/laugh.gif .

    Ishin dy miza n'hava e miza e par i thot t'dytes :a e din se asht tuj m'marr uja po mir moj i thot e dyta po shkojm e ham diçka.Fluturim tuj kerku deri sa hasin ne nji m.. te fresket ...Han sa han e çohen prap n'hava tuj shetit kur mas pak kohet e dyta i thot t'pares a e din se tash m'ka marr uja mu,si perfunim gjejne nji *** tjeter e fillojne me hanger.I thot miza e par une se di po aj m... i par mu duk ma i mir.Ia kthen e dyta pash zoten a se sheh se jena tuj hanger ça asht ai fjalor
  20. oneo

    oneo Forumium praecox

    Re: Barcaleta ne gjuhen origjinale

    Dottoressa, ho un erezione continua, giorno e notte, 24 ore al giorno, mi può dare qualcosa?
    Vitto, alloggio e 1000 Euro al mese, di più non posso!

    ---------------------------------------------------------- ----

    Sai caro, ho fatto il test e ho scoperto di avere l'aids... "Cosa?! E me lo dici così??!! Scherzo... ma mi piace quando stringi il culo!!!

    --------------------------------------------------------- ------

    La moglie sorprende il marito che si masturba sotto la doccia e lo rimprovera. Lui le risponde: Potrò pure lavarlo alla velocità che voglio!

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    In hotel un uomo urta il seno d'una signora.
    Lui: Se il suo cuore è morbido come il suo seno saprà perdonarmi.
    Lei: Se il suo uccello è duro come il suo gomito, la mia stanza è la 241!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------- -----
    Due amici si affrontano:
    Ho saputo che hai dormito con mia moglie...è vero??
    E l'altro: No, magari!! Non mi ha fatto chiudere occhio per tutta la notte!!!!!

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    Differenza tra amante, fidanzata e moglie:
    dopo l'orgasmo la prima ti dice Sei grande, la seconda Ti amo la terza...Beige...Il soffitto lo farei beige

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    Una donna nella vita ha bisogno di 5 animali: un Jaguar nel garage, una tigre a letto, un visone sulla pelle, un uccello tra le gambe ed un asino
    che paga tutto!

    ----------------------------------------------------------- ----

    LUI: Cambiamo posizione?
    LEI: Si quale?
    LUI: Nell'orecchio.
    LEI: E se divento sorda?
    LUI: Non mi sembra che tu sia diventata muta!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------- -----

    Un bambino al padre:
    Papà, papà, perchè quella gatta ha un uccello in bocca? Perchè non è schizzinosa come tua madre!!

    --------------------------------------------------------- ------

    La moglie al marito:
    -Caro... Tu preferisci una donna bella oppure una intelligente? Lui:
    Nessuna delle due cara...Ti amo così come sei!!!!

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    Un bambino cinese chiede alla mamma: Mamma, chi sono i floci? Sono pelsone malate Malate glavi?

    ------------------------------------------ ---------------------

    Papà ho avuto il mio primo rapporto sessuale
    E bravo il mio ometto! A quando il prossimo?
    Quando mi sarà passato il bruciore al culo!

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    Il dottore al paziente: Incredibile, lei ha un testicolo di legno e uno di ferro! Non ha mai avuto problemi?
    No, ho due figli stupendi, Pinocchio va a scuola e Mazinga all'asilo!

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    Un pesciolino rosso entra in mare, incontra un altro pesce e gli chiede:
    Scusa, come si fa a scopare?
    Non chiederlo a me, io sono il pesce sega!

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    Una vecchietta chiede a un passante: Scusi per andare al cimitero dove devo prendere l'autobus? E lui: In faccia...

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    Messaggio di benvenuto al convegno internazionale di donatori di sperma:
    Innanzitutto grazie di essere venuti!

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    Due pipistrelli a testa in giù.
    Uno chiede all'altro: Qual è stato il giorno peggiore della tua vita?
    E l'altro: Quando mi è venuta la diarrea
    ..... BELLISSIME...!!!!!!!!

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    Come ti chiami?
    Sei balbuziente?
    No, lo era mio padre e quello dell'anagrafe era un gran bastardo...

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    Perché le mucche sono cosi tristi quando le mungi? Beh se qualcuno ti sveglia all'alba, ti palpa le tette per due ore, e poi non ti tromba...
    voglio vedere se non t'incazzi anche tu!

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    Un uomo dal dottore:
    Sono preoccupato quando scopo sento dei fischi
    Ma lei quanti anni ha?
    E allora che ***** vuole, gli applausi?

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    Attualmente la medicina studia più l'impotenza che l'alzheimer. Tra 20 anni avranno tutti un pene durissimo, ma non ricorderanno cosa farci...

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